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Asking for reassurance: a Bayesian interpretation

Bayesianism gives us a prescription for how we should update our beliefs about the world as we encounter new evidence. Roughly speaking, when you encounter new evidence (E), you should increase your confidence in a hypothesis H only if that evidence would’ve been more likely to occur in a world where H was true than in a world in which H was false — that is, if P(E|H) > P(E|not-H).

I think this is indisputably correct. What I’ve been less sure about is whether Bayesianism tends to lead to conclusions that we wouldn’t have arrived at anyway just through common sense. I mean, isn’t this how we react to evidence intuitively? Does knowing about Bayes’ rule actually improve our reasoning in everyday life?

As of yesterday, I can say: yes, it does.

I was complaining to a friend about people who ask questions like, “Do you think I’m pretty?” or “Do you really like me?” My argument was that I understood the impulse to seek reassurance if you’re feeling insecure, but I didn’t think it was useful to actually ask such a question, since the person’s just going to tell you “yes” no matter what, and you’re not going to get any new information from it. (And you’re going to make yourself look bad by asking.)

My friend made the valid point that even if everyone always responds “Yes,” some people are better at lying than others, so if the person’s reply sounds unconvincing, that’s a telltale sign that that they don’t genuinely like you/ think you’re pretty. “Okay, that’s true,” I replied. “But if they reply ‘yes’ and it sounds convincing, then you haven’t learned any new information, because you have no way of knowing whether he’s telling the truth or whether he’s just a good liar.”

But then I thought about Bayes’ rule and realized I was wrong — even a convincing-sounding “yes” gives you some new information. In this case, H = “He thinks I’m pretty” and E = “He gave a convincing-sounding ‘yes’ to my question.” And I think it’s safe to assume that it’s easier to sound convincing if you believe what you’re saying than if you don’t, which means that P(E | H) > P(E | not-H). So a proper Bayesian reasoner encountering E should increase her credence in H.

(Of course, there’s always the risk, as with Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, that the process of measuring something will actually change it. So if you ask “Do you like me?” enough, the true answer might shift from “yes” to “no”…)

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